I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
