when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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