i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
