i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
