69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
