rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
