I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
