Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
