he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
