Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!�
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
