i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
