the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
third nipple confirmed
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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