I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
