so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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