just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
