remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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