Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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