fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
