Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
