He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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