I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
