I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
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