physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I think I won the penis lottery.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
