i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
They took my balls.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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