my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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