yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
