My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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