Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I deserve this hangover.
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