Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize
