either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Randomize
