I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
