The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
