Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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