I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Randomize
