I want to stick my p in your. b.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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