I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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