hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Randomize
