hell yes lets make some ravioli
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
