The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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