Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
