what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
