her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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