he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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