I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
