i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
