What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
