whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
