i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
