is your mom at the bar?
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
