I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
